Zen Marriage Vows and Ceremony

Zen Marriage Vows and Ceremony

The Greeting

Dearly beloved, welcome. We are gathered here in celebration of two people we love, ______ and ______. 

______ and ______ and are here because they love one another more than anything and they want t give themselves to each other in holy matrimony.

We are here because they have asked us to witness their pledge and support it with all our love for as long as we live.

They have chosen to be married in a Zen Buddhist ceremony. My name is ______ and I’m a Zen Master ordained in the ______ Buddhist tradition.

This is the perfect place for such a ceremony. We have the sky for a roof. We have fallen leaves and grass for a carpet. Trees are our walls. For music, we have birdsong and the sound of wind. 

Let sky, leaves, grass, trees, birds and wind summon us all into mindfulness and tranquillity. 

I don’t know how many of you are acquainted with Zen Buddhism. Zen Buddhism isn’t really a religion. The Buddha isn’t a god and Buddhism isn’t a faith or a creed. At its heart, Zen Buddhism is a practice, like an exercise routine. And the core exercise that we practice in Zen is seeing through illusion and seeking reality. 

We all spend most of our life with the assumption that we’re separate from those around us. There’s an ego (an I, me, mine) that we have to protect from others. The Buddha taught that this belief is an illusion, and that when we look at things deeply — when we look at things with mindfulness and tranquility — we will see that in reality we are all interconnected. We all reflect each other, nourish each other, and support each other.

It’s like two hands. They might seem separate from a limited perspective, but when you see them whole, you realize that they are joined to the same body. Helping one hand helps the other. They are not separate and don’t have separate interests.

Marriage is a holy event in Buddhism because it’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate our interconnection. In ordinary life, we are used to seeing ______ and ______ as separate beings. But in today’s ceremony, they will be joined. Two become one.

Before we proceed, let’s enjoy a few moments of silence: [moment of silent meditation]

The Presentations

Let us begin our ceremony by asking for the familes to present the bride and groom.

Who presents ______ in marriage?

Family: We do.

Who presents ______ in marriage?

Family: We do.

Call and Response

Now we come to the Five Pledges and the Three Promises. The Five pledges are for ______ and ______. But the Three Promises are for the rest of us. After I ask for the pledge or promise, your job is simply to say in unison, “We Will.”

Minister [to the couple]: Marriage requires faith and gentleness. Will you pledge to stick up for each other and help each other through the hard times?

The Couple: We will.

[To the Couple]: Marriage requires both speech and silence. Will you pledge to communicate with each other with love and understanding?

The Couple: We will.

[To the Couple]: Marriage is the most intimate partnership known to humanity. Will you pledge to listen to each other’s words and to listen to each other’s wordless speech too?

The Couple: We will.

[To the Couple]: Marriage requires honesty with yourselves and with each other. When it’s time to fight, will you pledge to fight cleanly and compassionately with each other?

The Couple: We will.

[To the Couple]: And when it’s time to make-up, will you pledge to forgive each other with generosity and caring?

The Couple: We will.

[To the Congregation]: Friends, loved ones – you have heard these pledges. They can’t do it alone. Will you promise to help ______ and ______ fulfill these vows?

The Congregation: We will.

[To the Congregation]: Will you promise to help them understand and support each other when times are tough?

The Congregation: We will.

[To the Congregation]: Will you promise to remember this day and nourish the love that ______ and ______ have given each other?

The Congregation: We will.

Readings (Sample)

The Diamond Sutra, chapter 32

Someone might fill innumerable worlds with the seven treasures and give it all away as gifts and alms, but how much greater it is if any good man or good woman awakens to the heart of enlightenment and takes only four lines from this teaching, reciting, using, receiving, retaining, and spreading them abroad and explaining them for the benefit of others.

Now in what manner may he explain the teachings to others? By detaching from appearances and abiding in the real truth. So I tell you:

Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:

A star at dawn, a bubble in the stream;

A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp, a phantom and a dream.

When the Buddha finished this teaching, the venerable Subhuti together with the monks, nuns, lay brothers, lay sisters, and the whole realm of gods, humans, and demigods were filled with joy and, taking it sincerely to heart, they departed.

Pledges

Now, ______ and ______ will give their marriage vows.

[The couple face each other. The groom takes the bride’s hand in his and prompted by the officiant, the groom speaks his pledge.]

Groom: I ______, take you ______
to be my wife, 
to be the mother of my children, 
to be the companion of my heart, 
to have and to hold, from this day forward, 
for better, for worse, 
for rich, for poor, 
in sickness and in health, 
to love and to cherish, ‘till death do us part.

[The bride then takes the groom’s hands in hers. Then, prompted by the officiant, the bride speaks her pledge.]

Bride: I ______ take you ______,
to be my husband, 
to be the father of my children, 
to be the companion of my heart, 
to have and to hold, from this day forward, 
for better, for worse, 
for rich, for poor, 
in sickness and in health, 
to love and to cherish, ‘till death do us part.

Blessing of the Rings

[Holding the rings, the officiant pronounces a sentence of dedication.]

The ring is an emblem of your vows to each other. A ring is an ancient symbol of unity, eternity and mystery. It is a circle that embraces all things and yet, at its centre, it remains empty. When you two marry each other, you are not merely wearing this symbol on your fingers. You are stepping inside the circle and it will encompass the rest of your lives.

You are making two into one. However, it is not just ______ and ______ who are becoming one. Within the sacred circle of your marriage, you make all dualities into one:

Mine and Yours

Now and Forever

Body and mind

Praise and blame

Joy and pain

Wellness and illness

Even love and aggravation become one within the loop of these rings. 

I hope you two spend your lives together exploring this holy mystery: how things that seem opposite and opposed to each other are, in fact, a beautiful unity.

And so I bless these rings and pray that they forever remind you of how you two have found unity and wholeness in each other.

Vows

[The minister returns the bride’s ring to the groom, who places it on the fourth finger of the bride’s left hand. The groom, prompted by the officiant says…]

Groom: ______, with this ring, I thee wed.

[The officiant then gives the groom’s ring to the bride, who places it on the fourth finger of the groom’s left hand. The bride, prompted by the officiant, says…]

Bride: ______, with this ring, I thee wed.

Conclusion

______ and ______ have declared their love before this assembly, and have made their pledges each to the other symbolized by the giving and receiving of the rings. With friends and family as witnesses, and beneath the wide sky and in the presence of the wind and trees, I pronounce them husband and wife!